Antique Cock

He’d talked of his colossus
But I was suspicious
I was waiting to see it unfurled
It turned out to be fictitious
I wouldn’t call it vicious
And not the seventh wonder of the world

Of course he liked a dabble
He’d be better playing Scabble
Too little to appeal to a slut
He was heading for trouble
With his purple bubble
She’d see that and say ‘Tut tut!’

There were eager fannies waiting
But not for carbon dating
This cock was as old as the hills
It wasn’t innovating
And it wasn’t inflating
It just gave a girl the chills

Size is Important

I was standing at the urinal
Then the boss arrived, it was abysmal
Even worse, it was criminal
Too small to be a spectacle

“How’s it going?” he asked, looking aside
“Fine!” I replied as he gazed at my pride
Jealous, I could see, he almost cried
Here, there was nowhere to hide

I’m worried now about promotion
One of us is out of proportion
How will he take this situation?
This is no cause for celebration

Even worse, I might just get the sack
I could see he was taken aback
I can’t believe my rotten luck
To finish here as a dead duck