Monthly Archives: June 2015

“Say no more!”

« Say no more ! »

I don’t quite know where to begin
At an age when most start to sin
Edwin had had trouble with his foreskin
Say no more! Say no more!

And the colour, should I say, wasn’t right
It was very hard to tell at night
But when day dawned, in the daylight..
Say no more! Say no more!

As for the rest of his penis
It had to be said, he was no Adonis
But the shape? A positive menace
Say no more! SAY NO MORE!!

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“Momma told me not to come”

« Momma Told Me Not To Come »

Some people start,
Never stop for a fart
Blab on at full throttle

Alas, you have to stay
You’ve gone and picked the wrong day
Lend an ear to this waffle

There’s little you can do,
Bit off more than you can chew
Don’t interrupt or he’ll bristle

You know it’s rude to leave
He’s here to receive
You’ll have to wait for dismissal

There’s only you to blame
You knew by the name
It’d be an upward struggle

He’s never been a chum
So why did you come
To listen to all this piffle?

He’s a bit of a strain
A pain on the brain
But you, you asked for this hassle!

“Coppers”

« Coppers »

In the classroom
The moths were doing their maths
The bugs were on the squash court
And a copper skunking around

In the courtroom
The judge was having a kip
The accused writing a sentence
And a copper being corrupt

In the barroom
The drunks were having a slur
The hookers were sinking their line
And a copper in plain clothes
Being a copper

“Battered”

« Battered »

Sid had wed a big woman
A strong and vicious Amazon
His life, hemmed in, was a prison
And the warder was a demon

She demanded sex on the spot
If he refused, she smacked his bot
Then tucked him up in his cot
Like a tiny tot, alas, his lot

One day, she cut up real rough
Called him a dirty puff
Gave his ear a mighty cuff
Now Sid wears an ear muff

All for Sid is endless pain
Just when he thinks it’s on the wane
The beastly bitch arrives with her cane
And thrashes him once again

“Flash in the Pan”

« Flash in the Pan »

He’d always been reckless
Was as bold as brass
Had a lechy leer
His comments all too crass
But when it came down to it
He couldn’t be the man
A woman really wanted
Was a flash in a pan

A bolt from the blue
This breast-ogling bloke
Arrived to tickle, tease
Or even crack a joke
But drink took its toll
On this beer-swigging man
This flaccid fool floundered
Was a flash in a pan

“The Temptations of the Flesh”

« Temptations of the Flesh »

More concerned with stalking than silk
The lawyer was into pantyhose
Stockings, unfrockings and finding the shocking
Depended on the parties he chose

Didn’t want to be seen at the scene of the obscene
He’d a reputation to protect
Very soon he could become a big wig
He didn’t want his chances wrecked

Yet he’d drop his pants at the drop of a hat
His weakness, he knew ever so well
The telltale mole just above his arsehole
It might set off the alarm bell

Yes, he’d better be brave, try to behave
But that was easier said than done
When he got hard, he got very hard
You do when you’re into fun

“Freak Out”

« Freak Out »

Hey man ! Is this… like today ?
Are we tripping ? This is some buzz….

There had been a threat
The Bush was burning
Was now in a fever
It had broken
Like a rib
He blamed Adam
The man in the bubble
That was popping
External influence
Help was at hand
Nails were in coffin
The evil child cried
At last it was raining
Hallelujah !