Tag Archives: adult

Gapewatcher General

These are the words of the Gapanaut.
I suffer from endemic lust. I am plagued by an addiction. As a self-styled hornythologist, I indulge in frisky gropes and wily tickles on the G spot, ovary meddling, have intertwined with many a twat, glad into gullies, and plumbed the depths of many a slut. As a canny arseologist, I have excavated tons of tunnels which were secret until I discovered them. Being a solicitous sadist, and after cries to be “gentle with my membrane’, I did not plunge into the abyss, this devouring darkroom – no, not me. I’m not the sort of chap to ravage reclining cows, even when they deserve to be ravaged, which often happens after unseemly outbursts of dirty words.

Sometimes I’d prefer to do something else, like playing Scrabble.
But I feel I am on this planet for a specific purpose. So, despite my artistic leanings, I must accept I am the ordained guardian of female genitalia, admittedly, a tough number, but we all have our crosses to bear.


In the Breeze


Wanton gossamer condom
Drifting in the breeze
From the land of Whoredom
Settled on my knees

A gift to be treasured
I got up from my seat
My cock needs to be tethered
When in search of meat

Lingerie is waiting out there
To be torn to shreds
Don’t mess around with me
The ace of thoroughbreds

I shall make her squirm
I shall make her flap
When I bring out The Worm
And my chastening strap


My immorality is more than ample,
and I suppose you’d like a sample
Okay. Let’s take this yielding chick,
who’s ready to take this wielding prick

I’m here to save her tormented bush
I won’t beat about it, I shall rush
Now it’s time for buttock bouncing
with thrown in some kinky trouncing

Another day of zany forage
I need a place to store my porridge
In truth, a dependable duct
One which isn’t scared of being fucked

Cries of delight, she can’t conceal
Just listen to that eager girly squeal!
Then I ask “Are you sure?”
as to where I hadn’t been before.

Taken Short

On the bovine coastline
Where the cows stretched for miles
I fingered my bottom
And counted all the piles

A cantering dachsund
Appeared on the scene
It stopped and sniffed my back end
And wondered where I’d been

Then the dirty creature
Looked around and barked
Telling the whole wide world
I was double-parked

Taken short with the trots
I was caught in a trap
Who was calling the shots?
Not me crouching for a crap

Night Games

I seek the choicest wombs
The most restless clitorides
And dexterous posteriors
No universal uterus

The prodigal slipper
Awaits the girly onrush
A steaming orgy
These women and me

I have this guiltless craving
For a tuft of minge
I, the voracious squire
And my jerking lollypop

Into the beckoning abyss I dive
Sticky nymphs, licking flirts
Soon I’ll be engrossed and roost
In my treasured pussies

Hors d’Oeuvre

He was home for a meal
All he got was a feel
He was greeted with a fart
She’d turned into a tart

And as far as I know
Upstairs they did go
She tied him to the bed
And then sat on his head

Her holes were always wet
Like a drooling canine pet
Then her clutching snatch
Had found a tool to match

She had an itching crack
Was always flat on her back
Waiting for the willie
Laughing herself silly


I complain a lot and with good reason
Women, I could beat them black and blue
It’s not so much what they say
Well…yes, there is that too

More to the point is what they are
They’re raucous, rowdy and red
They go that way when you biff them
For farting too often in bed

In particular, it’s the elbows
When they’re red, you know you’ve got a slob
Those arms, they do next to nothing
Can you see them hold down a job?

The only good red parts are the knees
A scrubber is always on the floor
That’s the way I like them, so submissive
Their bonus goes in the back door