Recently, I bought a house with floors
It has a garden near the moors
It has many rooms, the indoors
These weren’t meant for my in-laws

I could say the same for the spiders
All making nests in the corners
I’ve found droppings in the hall
Something here is having a ball

The wallpaper has now begun to peel
Synchronised with the mouse’s squeal
And there’s lots of ants in the pantry
How many? I’m doing an inventory

This place makes me want to puke
All that’s missing is a spook
That would be the coup-de-grace
My God, I’ve been a silly ass


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