« How to upset other people »
I’ve been hired by many to upset
I have insults to suit the occasion
There are those, I’m sure, you’d like to forget
What we need is a bit of abrasion
Let’s take you, dear sir, as an example
Can you dish it out ? That’s what I’m saying
Want to see the face of someone rumple ?
Hear him turn into a beast that is braying ?
Now it could be a woman – that is easy
They are so concerned about their looks
What you’ll say will make them feel quite queasy
When you tell them their ugly face sucks
From now on I want you to be aggressive
From now on you’ll be on the offensive
Tell the whole wide world they’re repulsive
And so are you, you’re unattractive
Ten guineas, please !